either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
