fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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