Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
