After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize