And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
