How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
