he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
