I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was confusing and full of hummus
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
