Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
