Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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