Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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