OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
