Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
