Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
