Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
