I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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