worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
