I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
