My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
