who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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