I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
