Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
