Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
