God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
