I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
