Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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