yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
