I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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