i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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