1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
