she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
