I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
