He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
