I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
