Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
