he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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