haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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