Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
