i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
