man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
