Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
