bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
