I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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