just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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