Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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