Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
