K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's blow job season.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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