i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
