yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
