I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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