I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
