It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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