I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
