the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
