I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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