did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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