i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
