now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
