I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
