a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
