the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish you could order shots online.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
