I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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