he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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