could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
