Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
