HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
