I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
