So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
