Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize